Toxic
by MontyTheDog
Summary: Kensi's poisoned. Established Densi.
1. Chapter 1

"You okay?"

She didn't even look up at him, continued to flip through her stack of paperwork. "Fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"You're just looking a little... tired. Green. Oscar the grouch-y."

"Flattering," she replied dryly, still not making eye contact. "But I'm fine, really. Maybe it's the lighting? Maybe your coming up with stuff so that you and your sick mind can have an excuse to play nurse?"

"I don't know, scrubs look sexier on you. But I'm sure I could... make them work," he said, wagging his eyebrow.

"You're a pig."

"I'm your pig though," he reminded her, grinning. "And, according to that ring on your finger, I'm your pig..." he trailed off, paused dramatically, "..._forever_."

"This is just an engagement ring, _Sweetie_. Not official yet."

"_Yet_. Just wait. How far away is the wedding now, four months?"

"Don't remind me."

"Ah, but you did say yes," he insisted, grinning.

"Begrudgingly. A pity yes. You only had to ask, what, four times?"

"But you did say yes!"

She rolled her eyes, and he smiled when she grinned, finally peering over her work to look at him for a few seconds.

"And you're sure you're okay?" he asked again, needing clarification.

She giggled slightly, not having it in her to be annoyed by his antics. "I'm fine. But you won't be for long if you ask me again."

"Point taken."

"Hey," G greeted, placing his bags onto his chair. "What's- oh. Kens, you okay?"

She widened her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I'm fine," she stated indignantly, narrowing her eyes. "Why do you guys keep asking me if I'm okay or not?"

Sam stepped in, cast Kensi a mildly concerned glance. "Because you look like you haven't slept in weeks. Bags."

She frowned, traced where she imagined the dark circles under her eyes were with her fingers. "That's weird. Maybe it's the light?"

"You sure you don't feel bad?" Callen asked, looking from a worried Deeks to Kensi.

"I feel a little tired, nothing major," she admitted quietly, seemingly hating how the conversation had turned so that she was the center of it.

Deeks crossed the bull pen in three long strides, laid a cool hand against her forehead. "Kens, you're burning up."

She turned her head away from his palm and scooted her chair out of his reach. "I. Am. Fine. End of discussion."

Callen laughed, looked at Sam. "Ten dollars she's pregnant."

Kensi's eyes widened, and Deeks look like he'd seen a ghost. She shook her head fervently, tried to hide her blush. "I am most certainly _not_ pregnant, so I'd give Sam his money now."

"Wait, we're betting?" Eric asked as he entered the scene, taking in Kensi's appearance but choosing to keep his mouth shut after she sent him a warning glare. "On what?"

"If Kensi's got a bun in the oven or not."

"We aren't betting because I'm not pregnant," Kensi all but growled, jaw clenched.

"Mhmm, moody," G noted, glancing at Sam with a smile. They nodded and simultaneously stated, "Hormones."

Frustrated, Kensi glanced at Eric, her tone clipped when she spoke. "There a reason you came out of your cave?"

"Case."

* * *

After much debriefing and profiling, Deeks and Kensi were sent to one suspect's house while Sam and Callen went to another. When Kensi and Deeks arrived they knocked on the door, but nobody answered.

"LAPD, NCIS," Deeks bellowed, pounding on the door. "Open up!"

"His car's here," Kensi said, checking to see if the door was locked or not. It was. "He's here."

No sooner had she stated that the guy they were looking for was in the house then shots were fired, and Deeks kicked through the door, .45 in hand. They saw a man drop his weapon and sprint out of the back door, and they followed him at top speed. Deeks was merely seconds away from pouncing on the guy when Kensi collapsed, gun firing.

Deeks stopped his pursuit of the man, felt his breath catch in his throat. His heart pounded as he rolled an unconscious Kensi onto her back, but he didn't see an entry wound. Thankfully the bullet had missed. "Kens," he said, heart hammering rapidly. "Kensi, come on, wake up." He shook her shoulders, removed his cell phone.

Kensi's eyes fluttered open as he was about to dial the final number, and she murmured his name.

"Kensi," he spoke, relief flooding his features. "I'm calling 911."

"No you're not," she stated firmly, forcing herself into a sitting position. Other than a minuscule sway, she looked relatively unscathed. "I'm okay."

"Bull shit."

"Please don't call," Kensi said quietly, frowning slightly. "I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want Hetty to know that I passed out on the job."

Deeks' eyebrows knitted together in concern, hand once again finding her forehead. "Damn, Kens. You're burning up."

"I'm fine, just... Let's finish up with the house, look for evidence. Can you call Eric and see if he can get a visual from traffic cams, see if we can find the guy?"

He helped her up, and she willed herself not to collapse again. "You're waiting in the car." She opened her mouth to argue, but he cut her off. "That's not debatable."

She wanted to stalk off, march away indignantly. But without the support of Deeks' arm she was eighty percent certain that she would fall. He escorted her to the car and pecked her forehead. "Love you."

"Yeah, yeah," she dismissed, still angry that he wouldn't let her do her job.

He rolled his eyes. "I'll take that as a 'Love you, too'."

"Whatever stops the tears," she muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Uh-huh."

* * *

He woke up in the middle of the night to a burning Kensi, her body radiating heat like a furnace. Her clothes were soaked with sweat, eyes moving beneath their lids.

His heart caught in his throat as he shook her shoulder, hand trembling. "Kensi." She didn't respond, and he tried again, shaking harder and speaking louder. "Kensi, wake up."

She barely opened her eyes, saying, "Hmm?"

He took her in, the red of her cheeks, the sweat that glistened on her forehead. "Come on, Kensi. I'm taking you to the hospital."

She shook her head, managing a barely coherent, "Uh-uh."

"Here," he said, lifting her up with one arm behind her back. "You gotta change, Kensi."

"I'm not going anywhere," she insisted, voice raspy. "I'll go to the doctor tomorrow. Just let me sleep."

He pulled her shirt over her head and retrieved a lighter tank top. In the time that it took for him to toss the damp shirt into the hamper and find a different one, she was shivering. "Why'd you do that? I'm cold."

"Because you're drenched with sweat," Deeks explained, now officially more than a little spooked. "Does anything hurt? Your throat? Your stomach? Head?"

"All of the above," she fessed, collapsing back against the mattress and scrunching the comforter around her. "Probably the flu or something."

"Kensi..."

"No hospital."

"Kens-"

"Nope. Not happening."

He wondered (not for the first time, either) why she had to be so stubborn. He climbed back under the blankets, latched a hand around her waist and pulled her close to him. "You said you were cold, right?"

She nodded, already nearly asleep again.

"I'll warm you up, how about that?"

And even though she wasn't facing him, he knew she was smiling.

* * *

**Ditch?  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	2. Chapter 2

And even though she was shivering and could hardly stand up, she planned on going to work.

He asked if she needed him to stay home, she said no (_surprise surprise_). He scheduled her a doctors appointment, told her that she needed to go. He knew that she didn't listen to a word he said.

When he returned home after a long day of worry and apprehension, he spotted something almost immediately on the pristine (thanks to him) white carpet. Blood.

Unsurprisingly he started to panic.

"Kensi!" he yelled, voice thick with anxiety. The house was silent- the type of quiet that was suffocating, the type that made his skin crawl.

He rounded the corner, and there, sprawled across the threshold, was Kensi. Her eyes were closed, blood dribbling out of her mouth and nose.

Crouching next to her he gathered the nerve to check for a pulse, and when he found one he hoisted her body into his arms. Her form was limp, her crimson coated mouth half open.

"Dammit," he cursed, trying to control the way his arms shook, his grip on her unsteady.

When they finally made it to the parking garage he laid her in the back seat of his car and secured her as best as he could. "Hang in there," he told her, heart clenching painfully as he stared in the rearview mirror at her lifeless figure.

* * *

It was miracle that he hadn't been pulled over by the police on the way to the hospital. His driving was manic and dangerous, but he'd made it in one piece at record time, quicker than an ambulance could've.

He picked up Kensi bridal style, burst through the doors of the hospital. Nurses almost immediately rushed to his side, and his voice came out in a rush of jumbled words and barely understandable sentences. "You gotta help her. I came home from work and I found her on the floor and she wasn't moving but-"

"Sir," one of the nurses interrupted, securing Kensi on a stretcher. "I'm going to need you to calm down, okay?"

He tried to catch his breath, ran a hand through his hair. Trying to stay caught up with the medical personnel he took long strides, only stopping when a nurse laid her hand on his chest. "You can't go any further, sir. Sorry."

He craned his neck, tried to see past the synchronized array of white. Tried to see Kensi. He hoped his voice didn't crack as he talked and rubbed a hand over his face. "She's going to be okay, right?"

The nurse smiled. He tried to determine if it was a sad smile, one that said, 'She's going to pull through,' or one that conveyed the message that Kensi didn't have a chance. She walked away, giving him only a small pat on the back.

He stood in the middle of the hospital, watched the people who were all gathered in the waiting room, everybody relatively normal. One family stood hunched together, more than likely crying over a lost loved one. A woman sat with a man who had a bad cough and looked a little green, a young boy sat clutching his arm while his mother tried to keep up with her other three children, all under the age of ten. And there he was in the center of it all, mouth dry and hanging open, head pounding from the adrenaline rush.

Eventually he found his way to a chair, all the while telling himself that Kensi was going to be okay. She had to be okay. She probably just had the flu or something, something curable and common and nonlethal.

After a while a man approached him. He fit every doctor cliché perfectly; well groomed, clad in a white suit that was adorned with a tiny red cross and one pocket, a stethoscope around his neck. Empathetic smile, too clean, hair too gelled.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Aaron Coyle. Would you mind talking to me in my office for a few minutes?"

Deeks nodded numbly, following him mechanically to his office. He sat down in the chair across from the doctor when Coyle gestured for him to sit, and the man cleared his throat.

"Tell me about the girl you brought to the hospital. Name?"

He briefly considered supplying an alias but decided it would be best that the man had access to her actual history if need be. "Kensi Blye. She's 31. I'm her fiancé." He never got tired of the burst of pride he received when he introduced Kensi as the woman that he was engaged to, a title that he'd often wondered if it would get filled by anybody, much less Kensi Blye.

"Any history of serious medical conditions like cancers, tumors, blood clots, inherited conditions involving internal bleeding...?"

Deeks tried not to let his words, cancer in particular, terrify him. He stammered when he replied, voice cracking. "N-no, not that I'm aware of. I mean, despite the fact that she all but mainlines caffeine and junk food, she's really healthy. I've never seen her sick before in my life."

The doctor nodded. "I see. Had she been showing any signs of not feeling well before you found her when you got off of work today?"

Deeks tried to swallow past the guilt, and he rubbed his neck with his hand, closing his eyes momentarily. "Yesterday she looked really tired. Bags under her eyes, and her skin color was off, kind of pale. We were on the job and she kind of... collapsed. Passed out. She was only out for a moment or two but... she could hardly stand up straight after that, kept leaning on me. She felt warm all day and told me her head, stomach and throat hurt. I woke up in the middle of the night because she was really, _really_ hot and had sweat through her clothes. I should've made her let me take her to you guys sooner..."

The doctor shook his head, dismissing Deeks. "Guilt is normal to feel-" _Especially when you're the one to blame _"-but it's not your fault. Now, is there anything else you can tell me? Was she completely unresponsive when you found her?"

Deeks nodded slowly, recalling walking in to find Kensi lax and unmoving. "She didn't respond to me when I called her name and didn't wake up the whole car ride. Her nose and mouth had blood coming out of them."

The doctor made some notes on his computer and cast Deeks another sympathetic smile. Deeks looked away, blinked. "Is she okay?"

"As of now she's stable. We're putting her in a room, running some tests," he said dismissively, waving his hand in an indifferent gesture before making eye contact with Deeks. "Now tell me... is there anyone who has anything against her, would want her sick?"

Deeks' eyes widened, everything suddenly falling into place. No cancer, no tumors. Poison. "She's a federal agent."

The doctor tried to hide his surprise and failed, running a hand over his brown beard. "Ah, okay."

Suddenly, Deeks felt an irrepressible urge to be by Kensi's side. "I need to see her," he said, voice insistent. "Safety detail."

After a quick flash of his badge, Coyle nodded. "Of course, sir. Just follow me and I'll lead you to her room."

_At least the doctor's easy going. _ They might as well get along; if Kensi had been poisoned like Deeks suspected, he had a feeling he'd be seeing a lot of him in the future.

* * *

**A/n Short update, I know! Sorry!  
Thanks to NCISLAlover24 aka Maddie for the proof! Check out her wonderful stories!  
Wow, the feedback was absolutely spectacular. I appreciate each review and love every single one of you! I really like this story, and I'd like to keep it authentic and believable, so anybody who has any experience working with medicine and other medical terminology, I would really love if you left a review or if you PMed me so we could chat! Science is my worst subject, so any help would be credited and much appreciated.  
Thanks and love you guys again!  
XOXO-  
Cierra **


	3. Chapter 3

Paranoia wasn't something that settled easily with him or that he liked to experience, but when something bad happened to Kensi he automatically became a little more hyper aware than he usually was.

When he reached her room she was sleeping, cheeks still flushed and skin still discolored. When he extended his hand to her forehead and stroked the fiery skin his tips found he couldn't help it- he needed to touch her, needed to assure himself that she was still there and alive.

After a few seconds of trying to reign in his composure he flipped out his phone, dialing a number that he knew by heart.

Hetty answered on the first ring, and before Deeks could explain the situation to her she was already making assumptions (that were correct, _of course_) as to why he'd called. "It's Ms. Blye, isn't it?" she asked.

Deeks nodded even though she couldn't see, raking a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Hetty, they say she's been poisoned, and she's not looking too well..."

"Kensi _will_ be alright. Do you understand, Mr. Deeks?"

He gulped and lied when he responsed, tongue heavy as he tried to formulate words. "Yeah, I know."

"We need to figure out who did this to her. Stay with Ms. Blye; I'll call in Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna. They'll probably be by later to talk to her."

"Okay."

"Hang in there, Deeks. As soon as we find the bastard we'll call you."

"Bye, Hetty," he said, ending the call.

After Hetty's voice no longer filled his ear the room was quiet, very quiet. The silence made him think about a lot, mostly regarding Kensi. And when her eyes fluttered open he was by her side in less than a second, apologizing and telling her that he loved her.

"Okay, enough with the sappiness. Can't I just skip the It's-Not-Your-Damn-Fault-So-Stop-Blaming-Yourself and you skip the I'm-Never-Going-To-Let-Anyone-Hurt-You-Ever-Again? "

"I'm really that predictable?"

She smirked in response, neither denying nor confirming. She scowled suddenly, grin fading. "You ate my jello, didn't you?"

"I don't think you got any jel-"

"What the hell type of hospital doesn't give their patients complimentary jello?"

Deeks laughed slightly, reaching out and taking her hand in his. He noted the slight blue of her fingertips and tried to ignore them, not wanting to know why they were changing color. If he would've lost her, her humor would've been one of the many qualities he would have missed. He turned her hand over in his, thought about finding her on the floor of their apartment. Thought about losing her.

"I sense a sentiment coming on."

"I just love you," he told her, continuing to stare at his fingers playing with hers.

"Yeah, I got that when you told me like forty seconds ago."

He smiled, but she could see his underlying emotions, the events of the day obviously catching up with him. "For the record, I love you too."

He sighed before asking, "Anything hurt?"

"Nope," she lied easily, throwing in a grin for good measure.

"Bull."

"Yeah, it is bull," she admitted quietly, averting her gaze. She spoke again in as firm a voice as she could manage before Deeks had time to reply or act on her confession, trying to tighten her grip on his hand. "Don't you dare call a nurse."

"Kens-"

"I just want to be with you for a minute."

His heart melted, and he positioned himself closer to her, letting his elbows dig into his knees as they supported his leaning torso. "Okay, Kensi."

She laid a hand on his cheek, tried to smooth out the creases in his forehead with her thumb. But her arms felt like they weren't attached to her body, the limbs unnaturally heavy as she tried to move them. She ignored the fact that she couldn't sit up without the bed as support, tried not to let her mind wander to her lips that felt like they had a killer case of pins and needles. "I'm going to be fine."

"I know you will."

"You worry too much."

He shrugged. "Maybe."

She seemed thoughtful for a few seconds, obviously mulling things over inside of her head. "Who did this?"

"How do you know you've been poisoned?" Deeks asked, frowning slightly.

"I don't know. I just figured, you know, considering NCIS. Too many people want me dead."

He cocked his head, raised an eyebrow. "Did you get any weird powder in the mail or drink or eat anything that tasted funny?"

"No."

"You sure?"

She blew out air from her nose, frustrated. "I'm sure."

"Okay, okay," he surrendered, raising his hands in a gesture that signified that he wasn't going to push anymore.

She frowned, placed an IVed hand on his knee. "I'm sorry. It's just been a long day."

"That's an understatement."

Straightening up and adjusting her posture with the remotes on her bed, she jittered in her seat, restless. "So when do you think I can go home?"

He laughed, incredulous. "Oh my God, Fern. Don't you feel like hell? Don't you want to at least know how bad it is?"

"I can be sick at home."

"Can't get treatment at home."

"I don't need treatment, I need to sleep it off."

"I'm pretty sure you can't sleep off poison."

"I can damn well try. Come on, bust me out of here and get me some jello."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "I'm getting a nurse."

"Dee-e-e-e-e-e-eks," she whined, eyebrows furrowing together.

"Sorry, Fern."

"You're an ass."

He sighed, standing up and kissing her forehead. "I'll be back. Don't miss me too much."

* * *

The nurse asks to speak with him in private after they finish up Kensi's tests, and Kensi raises an eyebrow in his direction as she watches them exit the door.

Deeks refrains from pacing nervously, and the nurse wastes no time in getting straight down to business, asking him a variety of questions ranging from, "How long have you known her?" to "Who would want her dead?"

Deeks couldn't answer the latter, licking his lips to distract him from how long the list really was. The nurse sighed, adjusting her clipboard and pen. Tentatively, Deeks asked one of the questions that he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to or not. "Is she going to be okay?"

"The truth?"

He nodded slowly, trying to remain calm and not let his mind jump to conclusions.

"It's really too early to tell, but this is unlike any poison we've seen before. One minute despite some muscle soreness and a headache she seems okay, the next she's puking, can hardly move and has a fever of one-oh-eight. It also took a few days to sink in, according to what you told us. We estimate that she was poisoned two to four days ago."

"Can you guys fight it?"

"Not until we know what we're dealing with."

"So what," Deeks started, his voice a low growl, "you're just going to let her suffer in that bed until forensics can type up toxicology reports?"

"We're doing everything we can. We're trying to help her immune system stay strong, trying to filter the poison out of her system. But for the time being we'll just have to wait."

Deeks tried not to go off on the nurse, reminding himself that this was most certainly not the hospital's fault. Instead he blew out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in, asking in a quiet voice, "What now?"

"Kensi will probably be out in a few minutes, so I would recommend going to your house and grabbing some clothes or anything that Kensi wants from the house that would make her more comfortable."

He noted the word 'comfortable' and tried not to curse, realizing at that moment that this- whatever 'this' was- could be long term. He hated the idea of watching Kensi try to fight a disease for weeks, trying not to slip and to stay strong for him.

He considered asking Nell to pick up some stuff, but he doubted she knew where anything was. So, reluctantly, he entered the room again only to kiss a nearly unconscious Kensi goodbye, to which she frowned but said nothing. When he returned later in record time she was fast asleep, cheeks red and face uncalm, the peacefulness usually accompanied with a sleeping Kensi long gone.

Deeks swallowed, massaging his forehead. He held her hand for a few minutes, covered her up with a heavier and less scratchy blanket from home. He occupied himself by playing with the fringes on the blanket and checking his phone for texts from ops, most of them asking about Kensi and one from Sam telling Deeks that G and him would be coming to the hospital tomorrow to talk to Kensi and the doctors.

Kensi coughed harshly in her sleep but didn't wake up, and he watched as she tried to get herself comfy in the bed. It was strange, though- almost like she couldn't toss or turn, and not just because the size of the bed. Considering she sprawled across her half _and_ his of their king size bed at home, he knew she was probably cursing hospitals in her sleep. He thought back to curling next to her last night, the way the sheen of sweat on her forehead glistened in the dark, her body a burning inferno next to his.

Eventually he transitioned from the chair by her bed to a loveseat next to where he'd been sitting, but instead of attempting at sleep he stared at the ceiling, trying not to think of anything at all. No Kensi, no poison, no nothing. The blankness of his mind wasn't nearly as comforting as he'd hoped. And when it hit three in the morning, he still wasn't asleep.

The hospital was completely silent save for a machine that was hooked up to Kensi and signaled her pulse constantly and slowly with tiny noises. He was focused so intently on the regulation of the sound that when the _beep beep beep _turned into a heightened _beepbeepbeepbeepbeep_ it made him jump, and he was on his feet and at her side in seconds.

She was twitching, her body convulsing. Deeks went into panic mode when he should've went in to cop mode, screaming for nurses and help as he tried to grasp at Kensi's shoulders, attempting to hold her down. The doctors that rushed onto the scene shoved him out of the way, pushing their way towards Kensi and blocking his view of her. He heard her name escape from his lips, frantic and loud as he tried to maneuver through the medical personnel to get to her, his vision blurring and breath coming in ragged gasps as strong arms pulled him away from her.

Dr. Coyle led him to his office, instructing him to calm down, telling him to take deep breaths. Deeks swallowed mouthful after mouthful of oxygen, downing the cool coke that the doctor handed him in five large gulps.

Deeks tried to calm his racing heart, tried to be _okay_ when she wasn't_ okay,_ when she could never be fucking _okay_ again. When she could be dying. Or already dead.

"Kensi."

The doctor nodded, seemingly understanding what Deeks was trying to say. That he loved Kensi, that she was his everything, that if he lost her...

"Can I show you something?"

Deeks nodded, unable to force words out of his mouth. The doctor scooted a picture of a pretty brunette standing next to him, smiling. He sighed.

"That was my wife, Anna. She's what prompted me to become a doctor. She had a... condition and when she gave birth to our first child... She passed away. We lost the baby."

Deeks swallowed, wondering why the doctor was telling him this. He had an idea, but he didn't like it. Trying to relate with patients, trying to be empathetic because he's been in Deeks' position. A dying significant other. A dead significant other.

"I know what you're thinking," Coyle said, his words barely above a whisper. "And no, I'm not telling you for reasons you may think. I'm telling you because that's what made me become a doctor in the first place, just like I'm sure Kensi chose to become an agent for some reason and you chose to become a cop. The job comes with hazards, and she was willing to except them. But despite her personal connections or reasons she had for becoming an agent, like I had for becoming a doctor, she wanted to help the greater good. And she has."

"Is she dead?" Deeks asked bluntly, hating the anticipation he felt as the doctor spoke as if Kensi had risked her life and it had been taken from her.

"No." The words 'Not yet' were left unsaid, but Deeks heard them loud and clear. "Have you ever heard of Tetrodotoxin?"

_That doesn't sound good. _"No."

"We think Kensi has inhaled nearly miniscule doses over a period of a few days, possibly at a coffee shop or bar, someplace she frequents. Anything over 0.000881 ounces can be lethal. And I think she got the final dose that pushed her over the point of a simple illness to a major problem."

Deeks could read between the lines, and he could tell that the doctor was avoiding telling him something, something pertinent. "And?" he asked, voice firm.

"And... if she makes it past twenty four more hours, she'll be perfectly fine."

"She's not going to make it," Deeks half questioned half stated, voice trembling. "Tell me I'm wrong."

The doctor didn't reply.

* * *

**A/n Wow.  
Feedback, as always, has been freaking amazing. You guys are all fabulous and I love you all!  
Thanks to Maddie (NCISLAlover24- read her stories!), Nicole (xnothinghere), and ESPECIALLY densilou for doing my dirty work!  
What do you guys want to see? Should I kill her?  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	4. Chapter 4

_Twenty four hours. Incurable. _

Kensi was in too much pain to sleep. She couldn't talk, could barely move. It was taking everything in her to keep breathing.

The doctors had attached her to what he figured had to be every machine in the damn hospital, stuff to keep up her blood pressure and keep fluids flowing through her. He'd done a little research and wished he hadn't, realizing that the doctors had left out the worst part of all of this: the only known being to ever make it to the twenty four hour point was lab rats.

And so Kensi becomes the rat, and she is pumped full of anything to keep her going, tested and prodded and injected with God only knows what. Deeks watches the way she tries and fails to catch her breath, and the way her face contorts in pain.

He grips at her hand and doesn't let go, afraid that if he does he'll lose her.

It's nearing five the following afternoon, and he knows that her time is running out. She hit the point of lethality twenty two hours ago according to the doctors.

His life with her in it seemed to play in a slideshow before his eyes as he watches her slip. _Don't you dare call me Fern. You'll get me back. I'm glad our thing is working out. So there is a thing. And you're the only person I trust. I knew it was meant to be from the moment I saw him. Promise me you'll never do that... Get yourself killed._

They could've had a life together.

A damn good life.

A life full of kisses and laughs and burnt dinners and movie nights and kids. A picture perfect life. A life that was Nicholas Sparks worthy.

He'd lost people before, even a girlfriend. But Jess didn't so much as _compare_ to Kensi. Kensi Blye was his everything. Deeks was secretly convinced that she was a misplaced angel.

He thought back to their first kiss when they'd been on assignment. The first time he'd told her that he loved her. The first time they'd had sex. He thought of every first, because this was their _last._

Biting back tears he leaned forward, placing what had to be the millionth kiss of the day to her forehead. "I love you so much, Kensi," he whispered into her ear, wishing that she could reply. That he could hear her laugh and say, 'You _know_ I love you too,' like she usually did.

"So, so, _so_ much. Please don't die, please Kensi."

She hadn't moved in close to three hours, but he watched her pain filled eyes flutter to him, unshed tears in the mismatched orbs. The sight of her so scared and distraught made his heart shatter in his chest, and he inhaled sharply as he started to cry, the liquid boiling over the rims of his eye and tracing a warm path down his cheeks.

"Kensi," he cried, stroking her hair away from her forehead. "You're going to be okay, you hear me?"

She looked away from him, her eyes leaving his as a single tear fell from her darker iris. He caught it with his thumb almost immediately, trying to swipe his away as well. He had to be strong for her; hell, she was the one who was sick.

Just sick, not dying. She couldn't die.

She closed her eyes, but the machine that monitored her heart continued to beep. He wanted to wake her, wanted her to stay conscious because he couldn't bear the thought that watching her cry was the last time he would see her beautiful eyes, the last time he would see her awake. But he knew that she had to be tired. Fighting death for nearly a day straight? Exhausting.

Later he would regret not waking her. Later he would curse the fact that he'd let himself cry in front of her. But not quite yet.

* * *

She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't move.

She couldn't sleep.

She couldn't drink.

She couldn't talk.

Her lungs, usually so trustworthy, felt crippled and impaired. Her joints ached, her stomach was a knot of snakes.

But she couldn't throw up. She couldn't cough and ease her lung's misery. She couldn't comfort Deeks as she watched him cry, all of his joking qualities long gone.

Something that resembled the sound of a chainsaw resonated through the room, and after awhile she realized it was her lung's lousy attempt at breathing.

Her mind felt like it had a thick fog over it, but she could still think. Barely. She wondered if it was a blessing or a curse.

Because left alone with her thoughts, she was forced to face the reality of her situation. She was dying. Her life had just gotten good, damn good, and now it was over.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way. They were supposed to get married, supposed to have kids...

Lying there in her hospital bed she thought about Heaven. Never had she been extremely religious, never had she spent too long pondering a life after death. She hadn't been sure if she wanted there to be one, and now she knew that she _did_ want one to exist. The idea of _nothing_- no blackness, no emotion, _nothing_- terrified her. But the prospect of Hell was just as scary.

She didn't think she'd lived a life that deserves that type of painful foreverness, but just to be sure that she hadn't she prayed. Prayed for the first time since she was a kid. Really, truly prayed. For forgiveness, for the ones that she would hurt when she left.

She wondered about Deeks, hoping that he wouldn't be stuck on her for the rest of his life and that he would eventually move on, but she knew that had their situations been reversed and he died that she would never find somebody else. She wouldn't want to. For his sake, not for hers, she hoped he didn't feel the same way.

When a knife was thrust into her lungs (or at least that's what it felt like) she stared at where she imagined Heaven was, breathing in as deeply as her lungs could manage. _This is it._

She fought it, struggled and battled. It was the hardest combat she'd ever experienced, but she didn't give up. She tried her damndest, summoning every ounce of strength she could. But it wasn't enough.

She felt like she was drowning, like her lungs were shriveling. The oxygen seemed to have left the building, and her head pounded as it searched desperately for air that wasn't there.

The lights from the hospital intensified, and suddenly the whole room was illuminated with a blinding white light. Somehow she just _knew_ what was coming, but she couldn't accept it. She continued to fight long after she had no fight left in her, looking desperately for an anchor. And at the last millisecond she found one.

Lips had latched onto hers, breathing life into her. Even in the purgatory that she felt herself slipping into, she knew _exactly_ who it was.

He was pulling her to shore.

* * *

**Thanks to Maddie for the proof and especially to Lou!**  
**Thanks to you guys too! ILY!**  
**XOXO-**  
**Cierra**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n Thanks to Lou and Maddie as always. Maddie, te amo! I know I've been using your proofing abilities a lot lately. And Lou- without you, this would be insanely inaccurate.  
And finally, thanks so much to all of you! I won't be able to update until at least Saturday because I'm going to a camp. So hopefully this will suffice until then! Love you guys!  
XOXO-  
Cierra**

* * *

She stopped breathing, and the infamous _beeeeeeeeeeep_ sounded throughout the room.

He was on his feet in nearly a millisecond, screaming for help and pressing the nurse button repeatedly. They weren't quick enough.

_Where the hell are they? _ Suddenly he remembered one single scene from the play of his life with Kensi in it, her saying, "You're always there." They had been lying in bed basking in the afterglow of sweet sex, and the words were secret and his, reserved especially for him.

He was always there, but could he always save her?

He wasn't going to wait another second to find out.

Her eyes were glazed over but open, her face not nearly as peaceful as it should've been. He squeezed her nose shut, lifting her jaw and breathing into her.

_Even if you don't see me, I'll be there. _

He listened for a pulse again, cursing when he didn't find one. "C'mon, Kens."

Compress. Compress. Compress. Breathe. Compress. Compress. Compress. Breathe.

The nurses rushed in and hooked her up to a defibrillator. He counted to five, and suddenly, miraculously, the heart machine returned to its normal tempo.

He released a huge breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding in, telling whoever was listening, "Thank you."

"Unbelievable," Doctor Coyle muttered. He clapped Deeks on the shoulder, asking with a small smile, "She always this stubborn?"

_That's my girl._

* * *

"You're fiancée is quite a fighter," Coyle said, taking a seat behind his desk and gesturing for Deeks to sit in the chair across from his.

Deeks nodded, smiling. "That's an understatement."

The doctor offered him another drink, and Deeks nodded his gratitude. Caffeine had become as important to him as oxygen itself, and he took it whatever opportunity he got. "So Kensi's going to be okay?" Deeks wanted to know, adjusting himself in his chair.

"We hope."

He didn't like the sound of that.

"What do you mean?" Maybe he'd been naïve, but he figured that since she had a pulse she would be fine. She was alive, wasn't she? The poison hadn't killed her and it was past twenty four hours. So she would be okay, right?

"Though the poison is no longer in effect, it still has to be filtered out of her body. That will be extremely hard on her kidneys which leads us to possible renal failure, and not only did she go into cardiac arrest but also respiratory arrest. Her lungs are weak, and as a result of the seizure she could even experience pulmonary edema. Not to mention that as of now she's comatose-"

"What?!" Deeks interrupted, feeling his heart sink into his stomach.

"Her body couldn't handle the poison, so she's going to stay in a coma until the toxins are filtered out, which could take up to three weeks."

"Three weeks?" Thank God he was sitting down because his knees felt weak, legs no more stable than over cooked spaghetti noodles.

"Yes," Coyle confirmed, seemingly oblivious to Deeks' turmoil. He looked up and caught note of how pale Deeks had become, sighing. "Listen, Martin-"

"Marty. And I prefer Deeks."

"Deeks... It's better for Kensi to be in a state of unconsciousness so she doesn't have to deal with the process of filtering out the tetrodotoxin. If she wasn't unconscious then she would be in an excruciating amount of pain and appear almost mummy-like for many days."

"But what if she doesn't wake up?"

"Highly unlikely."

"Still possible."

Coyle glanced at a picture of his deceased wife before looking back at Deeks and making eye contact with him. "She's in good hands. We are going to make sure that she makes as full a recovery as possible. Understand?"

For some reason that Deeks couldn't place, he believed Aaron, so he nodded in response. "Understood."

"You can go back to Kensi now if you want, but do yourself a favor and go grab some coffee or at least get some fresh air. She's fine. We can get a security guard to look after her."

Deeks had no intention of leaving Kensi anytime soon, but he nodded anyways, leaving the room. Coyle called after him, stopping Deeks. "And Deeks?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me Aaron."

* * *

'Kensi Blye' and 'comatose' shouldn't have been able to be in the same sentence together, yet they were getting placed together more and more frequently. The medical personnel encouraged him to talk to her, and he did, but he knew from his own research that she was basically dead to the world except for maybe hearing but not registering what he said. Still he wondered what was going on in that brilliant mind of hers, and though they said she wasn't in pain, he couldn't be completely reassured.

It had only been a day (an uneventful day, which was a blessing) and he missed her. She was right across from him, and he needed her. He could see her, and it wasn't enough. Because how could he truly know that she was okay if she couldn't tell him? How could having a shadow of the woman he loved in front of him suffice for having her _back_ and _healthy _and _okay_?

Deeks collapsed in the chair next to Kensi, taking her hand. He was sure that he'd memorized every detail of her fingers and filed away the exact color of her veins in her wrist. They had become a more prominent blue, her paper skin seemingly thinner and more translucent.

"You know, Kens, as soon as I bust you out of here I'm taking to you to a tanning bed." He wasn't used to seeing her so pale considering she usually maintained a supermodel worthy tan without burning or reddening. One of the many mysteries of the illusive Kensi Blye.

"Too bad Monty's fixed. He'd make some cute babies, and we could give a Monty Jr to Callen. I love G, but no way is he keeping my dog. Just dog sitting."

He exhaled deeply, toying with her fingers. "You know, this is the part where you say, 'So, you love G, huh?', and then I'd say something stupid like no homo or hashtag bromance, and then you'd say something like hashtag my partner's a loser like you did that one time when I shot that guy who was unarmed but he wasn't a bad guy and he was actually a cop but everything was okay and oh, my God what am I even talking about?"

"I don't know, but it sounds pretty insane if you ask me."

"Holy crap!" Deeks exclaimed, reaching for his gun instinctively before realizing that it was Coyle standing in the doorway, arms crossed and smug smile plastered on his face. "You know, Aaron, that's a good way to get yourself killed."

"Stand down. Just checking her CVC and blood pressure."

"How much, uh- how much of that did you hear?" Deeks asked, trying to hide an embarrassed grimace.

"Oh, hardly _any _of it," Coyle said, smirk still plastered on his face.

"Yeah, no. See, judging by how smug you look, you definitely heard a little more than 'hardly any of it'."

"Hey, I don't judge."

"You do snoop, though."

"Just doing my job. And I didn't want to kill a moment if you two were having one."

He wanted to ask _How the hell could we have a 'moment' when she's comatose?_ but didn't.

Aaron worked for a bit before Deeks noticed a miniscule frown grace his features.

"Is she okay?" Deeks asked, straightening in his seat and gripping at Kensi's hand tighter than he had been before.

"I need to check on the blood samples we took," Coyle said, ignoring his question and preparing to leave.

"Wait, Aaron-"

The doctor sighed, adjusting his clip board. "Her fever should be going down if her kidneys are filtering the toxins out correctly. It's probably just her body's reaction to the task at hand and could be nothing, but if her temperature rises anymore it could be extremely dangerous. We're going to get her a water blanket and some antipyretics."

"And if it's not just her body's reaction?"

"If that's the case then we'll discuss it when we get there." He smiled reassuringly, his earlier smirk long gone and replaced with a friendly and understanding grin. "Don't worry, Deeks. I know you might be scared that she's hurting, and we can get her some morphine if you want."

Deeks gulped and nodded, trying not to demand answers from the doctor. Coyle was nice, but when it came to Kensi he needed more than nice. More than assurance. He needed her to look him straight in the eye, say, "Deeks, stop worrying. I'm fine," and actually mean that she's fine. He knew that Aaron didn't want to freak him out by telling him things that hadn't been diagnosed yet, but Deeks needed to know.

The doctor left, leaving Kensi and himself alone in the room again, him watching her sleep like he had been for the past twenty hours. He felt her forehead and muttered, "Dammit," when he realized how hot her skin really was.

Whatever Coyle was trying to protect him from, whatever Kensi had, he knew that it couldn't be good. But she was Bad-Ass Killer Kensi. _His _Bad-Ass Killer Kensi. And he knew that she wouldn't stop fighting, if not for her then for him.

He trusted that she would pull through. She always did.


	6. Chapter 6

"What's that?"

"It's a catheter."

"And that?"

"An insulin pump."

Deeks nodded, trying to familiarize himself with Kensi's machinery. He wanted to know what was going on with her and get his own opinion of how bad her condition was.

The nurse, a pretty brunette with green eyes and a thick accent, smiled at him. "She is doing well. Defying expectations."

She'd been overachieving her whole life, and he should've known that a coma wouldn't slow her down.

He returned her grin, pride at the fact that he could call this amazing creature his fiancée bubbling in his chest again. "Her fever?"

The woman frowned slightly. "Not down as much as we'd like it to be, but not one hundred and six anymore, either."

He could feel her eyes sweeping over him, and her voice was soft when she spoke. "From a medical viewpoint, I would advise you to get some sleep."

"Not tired."

"Of course you're not. But if Kensi decides to make a surprise appearance sooner than we expect, wouldn't you like her to see you showered and rested?"

The chances of Kensi waking up, especially within three days versus three weeks, was close to impossible and he knew it. He sighed. "Can I use the shower in the bathroom?"

"Sure. I can grab some towels and a razor."

He grimaced, raising a hand to his cheeks. "I probably need to shave."

"You do."

Laughing slightly at the young nurses bluntness, he stretched before standing. "I'm sorry, what was your name?"

"Lucrezia Kozachuk. But you can call me Lou."

He nodded. Lou. Easy enough to remember. He felt like he had to know everyone and everything. Like he had to retain every piece of information that even slightly concerned his fiancée.

Lou exited, and as she left another woman entered, a plump older lady. "Two days down, nineteen to go. She'll be home before you know it."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely. I'm Wanda, by the way. You're Marty, right?"

"Yep."

She smiled fondly at him and then at Kensi, adjusting some of the cords that surrounded her and monitoring the machines. "She's stubborn, ain't she?"

"Yeah," Deeks said, thinking about his steadfast Kensi. "Yeah she is."

"Let me tell you, I didn't think she was going to make it. And here she is, making me feel like a fool."

He laughed slightly, what the nurse had just said accurately describing the essence of Kensi. He thought of her snorting and saying, "You really thought I would stop proving people wrong because of a _coma_? You underestimate me."

"Yeah, well, I had my moments of doubt," Deeks admitted, remembering the fear that had radiated through his body when the line on her heart monitor went flat.

Wanda squeezed his shoulder slightly. "She pulled through."

"Yeah, she did." _Thankfully. Unexpectedly. Miraculously. _

Lou entered again, razor in hand. "Here you go, Mr. Deeks."

"Just Deeks," he corrected, giving her a grateful nod as she handed him a razor.

"Aw, did Lou insist on you shaving?" Wanda asked, casting Lou a faux reprimanding gaze.

Deeks feigned hurt, puckering his lip. "Yeah. Even said I resembled her golden retriever."

Wanda gasped and Lou denied it, her accent carrying through the room. _What is it, Russian?_ "I did no such thing! Mr.- I mean Deeks- is lying!"

"Kidding. Just a little white lie," Deeks corrected, still smirking. "Guess I need to go shave to save me from any more mocking."

Lou stuck out her tongue, and it was such a school girl-ish thing to do that it made him laugh out loud.

"Oh," Wanda called, stopping him. "Hey, Marty ?Someone from NCIS called saying that they wanted to see Kensi. They told me that they'd be by around seven."

"Did you get a name?"

"No, but it was some guy. Said he'd be by with his partner."

Callen and Sam. Deeks nodded, about to go shower before a thought struck him. "Lou, you might want to stick around. I have a friend you may like."

It was a bit of an inopportune time to play matchmaker for G, but still. How often did some attractive and intelligent girl that could speak Russian come around LA? Plus, as much as G liked to say he was a need-no-one-lone-wolf, Deeks knew that he had to be lonely. _And_ he wouldn't have to start out the relationship with a lie since she already knew where he worked.

Lou looked interested but said nothing, and as Deeks headed into the bathroom he asked them to get a security guard to watch over Kensi's room while he showered. Nothing had come up, but with a case like Kensi's, one where she was completely unable to defend herself, you could never be too safe.

When he came out (feeling _much _better. It had felt good to wash away the stress) the nurses were gone and there was no security guard, but Sam was sitting by Kensi's bed. He looked more than a little shaken, and Deeks realized how dramatically Kensi had really changed. She was skinnier, maybe even three or four pounds lighter since she'd first started to get poisoned. Her skin was extremely white except for the dark and deep circles under her closed eyes, and she looked... _weak_. Something that Kensi definitely was not.

"Hey."

Sam glanced away from Kensi and nodded, acknowledging his greeting but seemingly unable to reply. It was quiet for a while in the room before he finally turned away, and when he twisted around again his eyes were full of fury. "We can't find who did this. It could be anyone. She changes her routine; how the hell did someone manage to do _this_ to her?"

Deeks' mouth felt dry, and it took him a second to find his voice. "I- I don't know."

He knew what Sam wanted to say. He wanted to place blame on somebody, and since they didn't have the one who poisoned her he wanted to blame it on Deeks. The unspoken words pounded clearly and harshly through Deeks' skull, Sam's gruff voice asking but not verbalizing, _"How could you let this happen to her?"_

There was a drawn out beat of silence that Sam and Deeks were both reluctant to break, and the quiet wasn't interrupted until Callen entered the hospital room. "Hey. I was checking on her condition with the nurses."

"And?" Sam pressed, eyes locked again on a Kensi that was foreign to him, the spark of Bad Ass Blye long gone and replaced with a whisper of the woman that had been like his sister in every way.

"They're going to call a toxicologist. Try some experimental antibiotics."

She was not an experiment to be tested on and cut open and observed by scientists. And if Deeks had a say in it, she wouldn't be classified as collateral damage if (God forbid) anything went wrong. Her body was not to have iffy procedures performed on it. Testy antidotes. Impromptu sulfonamides. No way in hell.

He hadn't realized it, but he'd been clenching his hands into balls, his knuckles white and fingernails cutting into his palms. "I'm sure they'll only do what's necessary, Deeks," Callen said carefully, shamelessly panning Deeks' face and watching the turmoil that played out like a skit on his features.

"I don't like the idea of pill after pill and faulty antidote after faulty antidote. They're going to turn her into a lab rat."

"She's been a lab rat since they discovered the poison. You know that. They've kept her alive. Just trust them to do their job."

Callen was right, and Deeks knew it. It didn't mean that he liked it.

"You guys got anything?" This case, trying to find who did this to her, it was gnawing at him like a tic that he couldn't shake. He needed the person dead, preferably at his hands.

"We were thinking Starbucks was where the poison had been administered to her over the course of a few days, but she doesn't frequent the same location. She mixes up her protocol. It just didn't make sense."

"So if not into her coffee then...?"

"We thought about her water. But then we realized that you would've been poisoned as well."

"And we were thinking that it had to be something she ate, drank, or inhaled on a daily basis at your guys' apartment but you didn't."

"And...?" Deeks asked again, wanting to know that they had something, anything. A platform for them to step on, a foundation to the case so that they could begin to advance in it.

"Medication."

"She doesn't take any... oh."

The three men simultaneously said, "Birth control," and everything seemed to click. One piece to the puzzle was completed, but the rest of the jigsaw pieces lay strewn around them, jumbled.

"You checked out her OB/GYN?"

"Checked out. As in everybody at the office checked out. Except for this one woman, an intern named Kim Smith. She started working there three months ago and quit when Kensi was admitted into the hospital."

Deeks had never been a fan of coincidences. "Not a very creative alias," Deeks noted, sighing. "Let me guess, she switched out the pills for ones laced with tetrodotoxin and then headed to the Cayman Islands where she is living a great life with a new, untraceable alias."

"Yeah, something like that."

"How did a nurse have access to that type of poison? And how was she related to Kensi, anyways?"

"Unless facial rec went crazy and isn't cross-referencing to previous cases like it should be, we're guessing somebody paid off this Kim girl and offered her a shit load of money and a mansion on some tropical island. When Kensi wakes up we're going to show her a picture of Smith. Who knows, maybe Kim did have access to that type of poison and she had a grudge against Kensi that happened pre-NCIS."

"Doubt it."

"Yeah, we do, too," Sam agreed. "So until Kensi wakes up we'll just have to wait. And try to find this Kim character."

In other words, the team would be attempting to hunt down a ghost while Kensi continued to wither away. "Good luck with that."

"We'll need it."

They prepared to leave, telling Deeks that they would bring him some decent food and coffee later. They offered to watch Kensi while he went to get some fresh air, but, as always, Deeks declined their offer. Sam discreetly passed Deeks a .45, reminding him that he was a security detail. "These guys probably already know she's not dead. Hopefully they won't be stupid enough to attack at a hospital, but it's happened before."

Deeks nodded as he took the gun, remembering his own shooting. Sam squeezed his shoulder. "Hang in there. You ever need a break, you know my number."

He ran a hand over his face, calling after them at the last minute. "Hey, uh, Callen? You might want to talk to that pretty brunette nurse."

"Is he really playing cupid right now?" G asked, smirking.

Deeks shrugged. "Trying to help a brotha out."

"This 'brotha' is perfectly capable of picking up women without other 'brothas' help."

"Sure."

And then the room was quiet and empty again, and he sighs. "Guess it's just me and you, Kens."

* * *

**A/n This chapter covered a lot of the case and introduced medical personnel that will be regulars in the rest of the story, but if you're not interested in all of the medical talk there will be a part two (I haven't decided if that will be a sequel or just a continuation of this with a story break yet) taking place after Kensi and Deeks are married with a ton of Densi, so bear with me. This is just the beginning, and though I'm trying to pick up the pace of this story so it doesn't turn into another Blurry, Densi has a long way ahead of them. On that note, all of the continued support and feedback is so nice and has even encouraged me to write more. So much more, in fact, that I'm multiple chapters ahead now and the updates should come quicker. So thank you! I love you all! *hugs*  
Thanks Maddie for the proof! Te amo amiga!  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	7. Chapter 7

After her temperature skyrocketed once again they started the experimental antibiotic therapy. 'They' being supposedly the best of the best. Toxicologists, infectious disease specialists, scientists from across the globe. He figured it should've been reassuring, but all he felt was overwhelmed.

If she'd been awake, she would hate this. Being surrounded by a cloud of medics that was so dense she couldn't see over all the white robes. Constant injections of God knows what. Needles and antiseptics by the truckload.

He'd had to remind himself hourly that she was in a coma, a bittersweet reminder under the circumstances.

The doctors tried halfheartedly to keep him in the loop, explaining what they were doing to her in the simplest terms. Still, it all sounded like they were speaking in another language.

Finally at nearly ten at night the specialists started clearing out, leaving only one in the midst.

"Aaron."

The doctor clapped him on the shoulder. "Long day."

"You have no idea."

Deeks stared at Kensi, noting all the new machines that had been hooked up to her. "Is all of this really necessary?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Pretty sure. They admittedly have been doing this a lot longer than I have, and they're way more advanced. So I would ask them. But I doubt they hooked up all of this just for the hell of it."

He scratched his hair, yawning. "So, other than offering me your pity, why are you here?"

"Blood samples."

"Great."

Deeks squeezed Kensi's hand possessively as he watched crimson spiral from her, into a tube, splattering into clear vials. "You play poker?" the doctor asked, sealing the samples.

"Yeah. She's better at it than I am, though. And I prefer rummy."

"When she makes it through this, you two owe me a game. And I'll buy you a drink."

The detective noted the use of 'when' as opposed to 'if'. Unless Aaron was just humoring him (which _was_ likely), he seemed confident in the fact that Kensi would recover. Which gave Deeks hope.

"Okay. No rain checks. No standing me up."

"What is this, high school?"

Deeks allowed a little half laugh, more for Aaron's sake than as a result from his actual enjoyment. And he knew the doctor saw right through it.

"I guess there's no talking you into going home for the night?"

"You're right. There is no talking me into going home for the night."

"In that case, I'll grab you an extra pillow and blanket."

* * *

That night (or the next morning, he supposed), he raced to keep up with the medical personnel as they wheeled her away from him. He couldn't talk or breathe, and once again Aaron pulled him away from her when they tell him he can't go any further.

"Do we need to go to my office again?" he half joked, but Deeks couldn't even inhale, much less reply to him.

Coyle clapped him on the back. "Hey, snap out of it. She's fine."

"Is she? Is she really?" he snapped, threading his fingers through his hair.

"She will be," he told Deeks coolly, and the detective honestly couldn't tell if he was lying or not.

Deeks's voice was pointed and he was seething. It was obvious that he was trying his damnedest not to break. "Tell me what they're going to do to her."

"There was fluid found in her lungs when we did a routine x-ray of her torso after her temperature rose. We're putting in a chest tube to drain it out."

He nodded slowly, trying to wrap his head around what the doctor had said. "Is it serious?"

"It's not looking like she'll need the tube for a long period of time. Maybe just a few PAP sessions, just like people who have sleep apnea."

Coyle had a calm and solid demeanor that was hard to see through, but Deeks sensed that he was leaving something out. "There's something you're not telling me," he said slowly, crossing his arms across his chest.

The doctor sighed and adjusted his clipboard, which he seemed to carry with him everywhere like a kid with its favorite stuffed animal. "Her kidneys. The toxins are taking their toll on them as expected, but in light of her recent blood tests we're going to call a thoracic surgeon and nephrologist."

Failing kidneys and pus in the lungs and sky-high temperatures. Great.

Suddenly he was choking on nothing, rubbing the back of his neck in a desperate attempt to coax his airways open.

"She's going to be okay." It was the strangest thing, like every sound going on around him was drowned out by the sound of his heart pounding, everything besides his pulse background music.

* * *

The next few days were a blur of specialists and new therapies, high temperatures and sympathetic smiles. Much thoracic drainage, morphine, and antipyretics later, her fever finally peaked before dropping, the lowest it's been since she was admitted into the hospital. Wanda called it a miracle, but really, it was just Kensi. Extraordinary Kensi.

She'd been in the hospital for a week. A grueling week full of anticipation and heartache. But somehow she was still alive.

Every member of the team had visited by the seventh day bearing food and coffee. When Callen came again by himself (Deeks had a hunch he hadn't brought Sam because he wanted some one on one time with Lou) he watched over Kensi, insisting that Deeks get some fresh air. Actually, a more accurate description than 'insisting' would probably be 'shoved his ass out the door with his foot'.

The empyema was gone the next time she got a CT scan, and Aaron told Deeks that things were looking up. _You know, despite the coma and failing kidneys. _

God, if he saw _one more damn drug_ he thought he was going to throw up.

And he was _so_ buying her a shitload of jello packed with as much sugar as he could find when she woke.

There hadn't been any advances on the case, and unsurprisingly no sightings of 'Kim'. He felt so useless, sitting watching as his fiancée basically wasted away in front of him. Powerless. And as controlling as Kensi was, he craved having power over situations as much as she did. It seemed that he was so good at defending clients, helping victims, putting away criminals, but when it came to the people who were important to him he was lost.

He talked to her. Pointless stuff, idiotic rambles. Anything to fill the silence that he'd always hated so much.

He held her hand a lot. He stroked back her hair a lot. He touched her in general _a lot_. Just to remind himself that she's still there.

He read. Articles online, encyclopedias, some books that Aaron lended him. But all he was getting from everything was that Kensi's lucky to be alive.

He was halfway through a book about renal failure when he started to get light-headed, slamming the book shut and sliding it forcefully across the tile, straight into the corner of the room. He slid her hand into his and rested his head against the side of her bed, breathing heavily. It was only when he felt a cool hand on his shoulder that he looked up, seeing a concerned Wanda standing above him. "You need anything?"

Deeks shook his head no, forcing a smile. He felt like he should crack a joke, but they felt unsummonable. So he kept his mouth closed, letting her take _more_ blood. When she left he swore Kensi's even paler than before.

Conscious, she was gorgeous. Vivid. Comatose she was still beautiful, but she looked almost wax-like. Porcelain doll-esque. Drained.

He would never comment about how many doughnuts she inhaled again. Or fight her over the radio station. He would take her out for a date every week no matter how many cases they had piling up, hold her closer. He would appreciate her for who she was: badass, independent, witty, stunning, _perfect_.

He would do all those things and _so_ much more when (_if_) she woke up. But for now he could only watch and wait like he'd been doing for the past week.

* * *

**A/n Thanks to Maddie (NCISLAlover24- read her stories!) for the proof! Man this chapter needed it :)  
AND THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! As promised I tried to update this quicker than before, so here you guys go! The feedback was amazing. I love you guys so much! Constructive criticism, things you want to see happen, ideas or comments? Let me know!  
*hugs*  
LOVE YOU!  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	8. Chapter 8

For the next two days, things seemed to be okay. Her chest tube was removed, and the doctors rattled off some nonsense about hemoglobin that he didn't understand, but he didn't hear anything bad about kidneys or pulmonary edema. Just when he allowed some of his faith to be restored, it was knocked down.

Before he knew it they were shoving consent forms in his face, rushing her into yet another operation. Her kidneys were sick again despite the continuous treatment, and they'd decided to remove one. Which sucked.

He wasn't an idiot. He knew having a kidney removed wasn't a small procedure. Her job, their future, could be impacted in ways that were hard for him to comprehend.

The small victory in having her chest tube removed dissipated almost immediately when it was replaced with a drain that would get rid of the remaining blood. It was late the night after her surgery when Aaron entered the room, asking if they could talk.

He pulled up a chair next to Deeks', and for a second it was quiet. Their eyes were focused on Kensi, watching the gentle rise and fall of the blankets when she breathed. When Aaron talked his voice was quiet, solemn and curious. "You two want kids?"

Deeks answered immediately, remembering a case from what seemed like a decade ago. He sees a weeping teenager collapse against Kensi's chest, her hand laid cautiously on his back. _ You did good._ "Yeah, we do. We've discussed it and... yeah." _Little mutant ninja assassins._

He sighed, and Deeks knew that whatever he was going to tell him wouldn't be good. "As I'm sure you're aware, life without a kidney can be a little different than if a person has both kidneys. Now, normally I wouldn't be so concerned, because these changes are relatively minor. That is, if you still have one healthy kidney, key word being healthy. Both of hers were damaged, but one wasn't salvageable."

"And?" Deeks asked, impatient. He just wanted him to get to the point.

"As far as pain meds go, only give her Tylenol. No aspirin, no Motrin, nothing like that. No alcohol or cigarettes, obviously. I don't know how strenuous your work is, but heavy exercise is not recommended. She probably will hardly be able to walk a mile for a while, and after she's recovered I would suggest you talk to her boss."

No field work for Kensi? She would _not_ like that.

Coyle had paused, but Deeks had a hunch that he was delaying telling him something that he knew the detective wouldn't want to hear. And considering the way he started the conversation, Deeks had a pretty good idea what he was about to say. "And as far as kids go... Pregnancies in general are hard on kidneys. Any pregnancy. She only has one untrustworthy kidney left, and that combined with the rough antibiotics we've had to give her... I don't want to tell you not to try for a baby since it's something you guys are both interested in. Give it time. Talk to her OB/GYN. But from what I can tell at the time being, Kensi getting pregnant could potentially put her in danger, and that's the last thing anybody wants."

All he could manage was a small, "Oh."

The doctor's eyes were not only sympathetic but also tinted with just a bit of empathy, and he remembered that Coyle had a dead wife and baby. He knew that the doctor was probably warning Deeks because he didn't want Kensi and his son/daughter to find themselves in the position his family had been in, but no matter how much he could relate it didn't take the sting from Aaron's words.

Deeks' mind pulled a blank, and for a while he barely moved, his back rigid. He didn't try to digest the information; didn't really want to in all honesty. So he thought of nothing and said nothing for a long time. When Aaron left he still hadn't forced himself to understand what he'd told Deeks, and he figured it must've been an hour of sitting with an erect spine in quite possibly the most uncomfortable chair that was ever created before he allowed his mind to drift.

When his train of thought veered off the tracks that were leading to nowhere, they guided him straight to images of toddlers with blue eyes and dark hair. Kensi's smile and his nose. Her wit and his humor. Stubborn, gorgeous, and pretty damn great.

_They'll be fighting for the side of justice,_ _naturally_.

He knew that (ever the optimist) he was just looking for a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, and he was giving himself false hope. But he couldn't help but think that Aaron was being a bit paranoid, which was totally understandable and could be considered him having Deeks' back. He was unwilling to let Kensi die, unwilling to put Deeks (or anyone, for that matter) through what he experienced. So Deeks decided not to lose faith. If he could trust anyone to defy expectations, he could trust Kensi. He would give it time, wait until she recovered. _If she recovered._

And most likely no field work? Kensi was going to be _pissed_. Just as Coyle advised, he would wait and talk to Hetty. But the idea of a Kensi that wasn't being badass 24/7 and throwing criminals in jail was unnerving. 'Special agent' and 'Kensi Blye' _went_ together. And if they weren't side by side it would suck for Kensi and for him. Finding a new partner? No thanks. Kensi was irreplaceable, one of a kind. Finding someone to have his back was one thing; someone who he actually _liked_, somebody who could even _compare_ to Kensi... that was a different story altogether. One he didn't want to read.

* * *

By the end of the week, the doctors were talking. And for the first time in fourteen days, it was good talk.

They were going to wake her up.

"She's breathing well," Lou noted, smiling brightly. "Are you ready to see her again?"

"_God_, yes," he said, eagerness shining through.

"I would give it one more day."

"One more?"

"One more."

* * *

His heart skipped a beat, excitement getting the better of him. It took a minute, but her confusion eventually passed, and her gorgeous eyes fluttered to his. It'd been _way_ too long since he'd made eye contact with her.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," he said, a grin playing on his lips. Her hand was in his, just like it'd been for a majority of the past few weeks.

She looked like she was about to smile or say something, but she stopped, hands finding her throat. She was sputtering and coughing (or trying to cough), and he pressed the nurse button quickly. "It's okay, Kens. It's a ventilator, they're coming to turn it off. Just hang tight." He tried to stay calm for her, but honestly seeing her gasp for air was pretty terrifying.

And true to his word Lou rushed in soon after the words left his mouth, and after she adjusted a few things, Kensi inhaled sharply. Deeks released a breath he didn't realize he was holding in, standing up and kissing Kensi's forehead. "Fern." He stroked back her hair, caressed her cheek. "God, Kensi..."

"She might be able to talk tomorrow, but for the meantime she's just going to be very tired. She'll probably be out again in a few minutes, and then maybe up again in a few hours."

"When can you guys remove that thing in her throat? Can she breathe on her own yet?"

"We'll see how she is tomorrow, but we'll probably keep it in for at least three more days."

He nodded, turning his attention back to Kensi. In the background he heard footsteps leaving the room, and he absently realized that he and his partner were alone. "Hey, partner. I know you need your beauty rest, but two weeks? That's a little over the top, even for you."

He swore he caught an eye roll.

* * *

**A/n Thanks Maddie and thanks you guys! I LOVE YOU ALL. *hugs*  
****XOXO-  
Cierra**


	9. Chapter 9

"Shaggy."

It was the first word that she'd said since they;d removed the tube from her throat, and it came out as more of a cough than anything. But it still made his face light up. "Princess! I know you couldn't stay quiet forever."

She'd had an oxygen mask on for a majority of the day, but the doctors finally said she could take it off for the time being. The tube that had been in her throat had left it sore, and with her breathing unsupported for the first time since she'd been comatose she coughed and sputtered a lot.

"How long have I..." Her sentence was interrupted as she tried to catch her breath, and for the first time in weeks her hand squeezed back when his fingers gained a stronger hold on her. "...have I been asleep?"

"Asleep?" he asked incredulously, laughing slightly. "Try comatose. Over two weeks."

"Two weeks?!" she exclaimed. "Damn."

"That's what I said."

Suddenly he had a strange urge to kiss her, so he did. He leaned over and placed his lips to a spot just under her hairline, breathing her in.

"What was... was that for?" she asked, smile not yet faded.

"I repeat, two weeks."

"You didn't miss me, did you?"

"You just want to hear me say it," he insisted, laughing. "I missed you. A lot. And I love you. A-"

"Lot. You love me a lot. Ditto."

"I've been waiting two weeks for a 'ditto'?!"

"Fine! I love you too!" Her hoarse voice trailed off at the end, and she rubbed her neck absentmindedly.

"Sore throat?" he asked, and she frowned.

"I'm fine."

"How many times do I have to say it? You. Were. In. A. Coma. You're not fine. One more fine and I'm getting a nurse in here."

She sighed, exasperated. "Okay. I was in a coma. I'm not fine. Happy?"

"Not really. Do you need that oxygen mask thing? Or stuff for your throat? Are you hungry or thirsty or anything?"

She ignored him. "Can I walk?"

"What?"

"Walk." She paused, coughed, and continued. "I don't know if... can I still walk? Nothing happened to my legs, right?"

"No, not your legs. You should be able to walk, just not right away."

"Sure I can. Help me up?"

He sighed. "Even if I was crazy enough to help you stand up right now, I don't know how to unplug you from all this." When he said 'this' he gestured to all of the machines she had hooked up to her.

"Who did this?" she wanted to know, and the question was so uncalled for and her voice so controlled that it threw him off a bit. But he didn't miss a beat.

"A woman under an alias. Probably paid. I can show you a picture in a while, but just relax for a bit. Don't go all crazy Badass Blye Wonder Woman Secret Agent on me yet. Chill."

"Chill. Right. Can I go home?"

"That's not very chill."

"I want to go home."

_Me too_. "Just a little longer. I'll ask the nurse."

She tugged tighter on his hand as he moved to call Lou or Wanda, frowning. "Don't ask now. I just woke up."

"Actually, you were awake yesterday."

"But we couldn't talk. And I felt bad. And now I feel better and I've missed you and you've missed me. So I'll chill if you'll chill, deal?"

He smiled. "Okay."

"What'd I miss?"

"That brunette you liked on Top Model got voted off. Callen developed a bromance with Monty. Nell and Eric probably did something kinky with oreos in the ops center supply closet. The usual."

"First off ew, and no G can't keep the dog, and you watched Top Model for me? Best fiancé ever."

He smirked. "For you? More like for _me_. Best show ever."

"Right?"

"Of course, it wasn't the same without you there to narrate the whole thing for me like I can't see what's happening."

"That was kind of sweet, I guess."

"It's the truth. I missed you."

She rolled her eyes, adjusting herself in the bed. "I got that."

"I really really really really _really_ missed you."

"I hear you, loud and clear."

"Sorry. I just missed you a lot."

Unable to appear annoyed, she laughed slightly but again it turned into a cough.

"I'm going to get a nurse, okay? See how much longer they're going to keep you cooped up. I'll be right back."

"I'll be right here."

"Pinky promise?"

"Um. I can't exactly go anywhere, so yeah. Pinky promise."

* * *

She'd had to stay in ICU for the rest of that day but moved to a less private room much to her chagrin the next morning. It wasn't _bad_, she guessed, except for the fact that her roomy snored like a freight train and slept twenty four seven.

"Kill me," she whispered to Deeks as the clock neared midnight. Okay, so she was tired. She wanted sleep, was that a crime?

He smiled humorlessly. She could tell he was tired, too. She wondered when he last went home. "Sorry, Sugar Bear."

"Stop it with the pet names," she warned, sleep in her worn voice. Her breathing had improved and some of the machines were gone, but an IV and other wires still constricted her.

Aaron sauntered in, vial in hand. "I've got your back," he whispered into Deeks ear, and after injecting something into the man's IV he closed the curtain separating his bed from Kensi's. Moments later, the man's snore has softened considerably.

"What did you...?"

"Just some powerful- albeit harmless- decongestants that I dug up. Works like a charm every time."

"Thank you," Kensi said, collapsing against the bed and closing her eyes.

"So this is the extraordinary Kensi I've heard so much about," Aaron said, fond smile playing on his lips. "You are one tough girl, Ms. Blye. Gotta be honest, I didn't know if you were going to make it for awhile there."

"Please. A little bit of poison? No biggy. I've heard it wasn't even an ounce."

Aaron extended his hand, but before he could introduce himself Deeks did it for him. "Kensi, meet Aaron. Aaron, Kensi. Aaron's been around for the past few weeks. Honestly don't know if he's a psychologist or a doctor."

Coyle rolled his eyes. "Funny."

"So, doctor, any chance I can switch rooms anytime soon?"

"Actually you're going to be admitted to a rehabilitation center on the other side of the hospital in a few days. Just to help you regain your footing."

"I can walk," she told him defiantly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Tell you what. I'll unhook you from what I can, let you have a go at it. You make it from here to the door, no rehab."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Fine. Unhook me."

She felt ten times better without all the wires hooked up to her, and she would've felt great if she didn't have that damned IV in her wrist. But she took what she could get and forced herself to sit up without support from the bed, which was harder than she'd initially anticipated. A lot harder.

Somehow she positioned herself onto the edge of the bed, swatting away Deeks' hand in the process. "I can do this," she told Deeks, hand grasping at the edge of her bed.

_C'mon, Kens._ She counted to three before hoisting herself up.

And promptly fell back onto the bed.

She huffed, blowing a piece of hair out of her face.

_One. Two. Three._

Once again, she fell.

Frustrated and unnerved, she caught her lip between her teeth. She swayed as her head lightened, and Deeks must've seen her subtle movement because pretty soon he was sitting next to her, arm around her waist to help support her.

"What the hell?" she asked, still chewing on her bottom lip.

His hand was rubbing soothing circles into her back, but it wasn't enough to relax her. Not only was her head weightless but she was also short of breath. Which was weird, considering a few weeks ago she could run a marathon and barely break a sweat.

"Sorry. I thought it'd be best for you to see for yourself. It's perfectly normal."

Just because it was normal didn't make it suck any less. She chuckled dryly, a laugh that was more disbelieving than anything. "I can't walk."

"Just for a few days. This time next week it'll be like nothing happened. Promise."

"What happened to me?" she asked, frowning. "Just the poison?"

Deeks laughed. Not because the situation was funny, no. More so because he didn't know where to begin. "Well. For starters we're going to have to go belt shopping considering you've lost like eight pounds. And also you're short a kidney. And you died but they brought you back."

"I've been... dead?"

"Yeah."

"I don't have one of my kidneys?!"

"Not anymore, no."

She frowned, forehead creasing as her eyebrows furrowed together. "But what about field work? And... and alcohol? Will I be able to kick box anymore? Have kids?"

Deeks' mouth turned dry, and he swallowed as he tried to delay the inevitable. "Tomorrow, okay? I know you're tired and the meds Coyle gave Snores-A-Lot won't last forever."

"Deeks is right. You should get some sleep," Aaron advised, and though Kensi looked borderline distraught she nodded. After Deeks helped her situate herself back into the bed, Aaron re-hooked her to all of the machines.

"Feel any discomfort?" the doctor asked, and Kensi shook her head no, as expected. "Alright, then. Night you two."

"Promise we'll talk tomorrow?"

"Swear."

Her eyes were drooping, and he wondered if she'd have been able to stay awake even if he had decided to be the bearer of bad news that night. He dropped a kiss onto her forehead and tucked the blankets tighter around her shoulder. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too," she mumbled, her voice muffled by her pillow. In a few minutes, her snores (significantly softer, of course) filled the room where her roommate's had been nearly half an hour before.

* * *

**A/n So sorry for the wait! But you guys will be happy to know that as of now Toxic is complete. I have the next three chapters written already, and after they're posted there won't be a wait anymore because, hey, I finished it! Thank you for all of the support! I love you guys!**  
**Te amo Maddie (NCISLAlover24)! Thanks for the proof amiga! Do yourselves a favor and check out her amazing stories on her profile!**  
**XOXO-**  
**Cierra**


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh," was all she could manage after he told her the risks of having children and the fact that she probably couldn't do field work anymore.

"Yeah," he agreed, grimacing. She'd insisted on trying to walk again, and she'd positioned herself on the edge of her bed after she realized she still couldn't.

For a while she was completely quiet, and with the arm that he had around her waist he shook her a bit. "Hey, you okay?"

Her voice was quiet and her head had dropped. When she spoke again her reply was barely above a whisper. "I want to go home."

"A few more days. Just a few."

She was quiet for a while, and he let her be, arm still tight around her waist. Eventually her head dropped to his shoulder, and he rubbed her arm. Even though she didn't say a word, he knew how disappointed she was. He could feel it. "I know, Kensi."

He wasn't looking at her but he could feel her head shaking from side to side against his clavicle. "I don't want to talk about it."

Her job situation would ultimately come up later, probably with Hetty, but as far as kids went if she wasn't ready to say anything he could be okay with it. When he really thought about it, what was there to discuss? Sure, kids would've been great. She would have been a good mom, and he a good dad. But in the end it wasn't meant to be. And they would have to live with that.

"Okay."

"Okay."

* * *

At first when he brought her jello she was eager to get food onto her stomach and return to normal, but after a few bites she'd pushed it away, claiming that she was full. In actuality she'd had killer nausea and felt like she was about to puke, and she had a feeling that vomit wouldn't blow over too well with the nurses. So she forced a smile and told him that he could have the rest, trying to convince him that it was the logical thing to do considering she was the one who ate his jello first in the beginning, and they would be equal if he ate the rest.

"C'mon Kens, just try to eat a little more. The sooner your eating habits return to normal the better. And if you don't want the rest of the jello, I'll go get you some chicken broth or something."

She scrunched up her nose at the mention of broth, forcing another bite down her throat. "There," she said triumphantly, her grin more of a grimace.

He sighed. "Alright, broth it is."

"No! Wait," she insisted, but after the next mouthful she could feel bile rushing up her esophagus, and before she could worry about not dumping her stomach contents onto her lap Deeks was holding out a kidney dish for her, pushing back strands of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail as she threw up.

"Well, that's attractive," she muttered under her breath, disgusted.

Deeks rolled his eyes. "It's normal. And I'm not going to stop bothering you until you can keep food in your stomach. So I'm going to call G to watch you while I find some nice, warm broth."

"Ew. And I can take care of myself."

"Don't worry, I'll get it from your favorite soup place downtown. And, as far as the taking care of yourself thing goes, I'm a security detail. It's my job."

"I can take care of myself," she repeated, huffing.

"You can't walk," he reminded her, to which she replied with an indignant, "So? Since when do you need legs to shoot a gun?"

He chuckled as his phone rang, saying, "Touché," milliseconds before Callen answered.

While on the phone G had insisted that he would pick up the soup himself and drop by, to which Deeks had rolled his eyes. When Deeks had disconnected the phone, Kensi raised an eyebrow.

"What was that for?" Kensi asked when she noticed his facial expression, watching as he put the phone on a table next to her hospital bed.

"You know that pretty foreign nurse with the brown hair? I kind of set Callen and her up."

"Really?"

"Really. I'm that good. Anyways, now he's sneaking away from work every chance he gets to come see her."

"Hey, it's nice he has a girl though. I was starting to wonder if... you know."

Deeks's mouth dropped open. "No!"

"Yep. And if you tell him I'll kill you."

"Fine. My lips are sealed. Kind of."

"What the hell do you mean 'kind of'?" she growled.

"Blackmail." He emitted the evilest laugh he could muster and she scowled.

"I'll tell him about Magic Marty."

"You wouldn't."

"But I would."

"You are one evil, evil woman."

"Hey, you started this. I'm just finishing it."

"I started this? Last I remember you started this by implying that Callen was gay."

They continued bantering for a while before G walked in, soup in hand. He'd been by yesterday with the team to see her awake, but he was the first to make a second appearance. And judging by his too bright smile, Deeks's theory seemed to check out- he'd been chatting it up with Lou.

Man, he loved playing cupid.

"Hey, Kens," G greeted, white teeth shining under the gleaming lights of the hospital. "For you, some chicken broth from somebody named Clarissa. I mentioned a young brunette with different colored eyes and she lit up. She thought you'd like this. And a tuna sandwich for Deeks."

"Thanks, man. What do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it," Callen insisted, still grinning.

Kensi cast Deeks a small glance, one of her eyebrows slightly quirked, before turning her attention back to G. "Wow, picking up food must put you in a good mood."

He shrugged. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I've never seen you smile as much as you have since you walked through that door. Ever. Not even if I combined every single smile I've seen from you since the day I met you, it still wouldn't add up."

"I'm glad to see you," he answered, and she wondered if she was the only one who caught his slightly defensive tone.

"You just saw me yesterday, G."

He opened his mouth like he was going to reply before closing it, opening it again, and then closing it. Never had she seen G at a loss for words, and yet there he was.

"You can go talk to her if you want."

"What?" He was obviously trying to play stupid. And failing.

"That nurse. Go. I'll be here when you get back."

"You sure?"

"Go. Get out of here. Pick up chicks. Get her number." Kensi was insistent, gesturing towards the door with her hand. Eventually G left, and she sighed. If she was going to tackle this chicken piss she didn't want him around to see her chuck it back up. Having Deeks around to fuss over her was more than enough.

"Nasty ass sorry-excuse-for-a-soup can eat itself," Kensi told Deeks after Callen was gone, pushing the soup to the side.

"Me-_ow_. Grumpy much?"

"Oh, shut it."

"Take a bite."

"No."

"Kensi..."

"Uh-uh."

"Want me to force feed you?"

"No, I don't."

"Do you want to go home or not?"

"Of course I do."

"Then try a bite."

She sighed, spooning some of the chicken flavored water into her mouth. Usually she wasn't this difficult, but she felt quite frankly like _hell_ and eating was the last thing she wanted to do. Her taste buds were out of whack. Everything tasted the same, something comparable to what she imagined plastic would taste like. But surprisingly, she kept it down.

"Mmmmm," she said dully with a scowl, her lips a tight line.

"Yummy?" Deeks asked hopefully.

"No."

But for his sake, despite the fact that the soup tasted like a melted Tupperware container, she took another bite. And another. And another. She ate until the bowl was half empty before stopping, because she knew if she tried to force another spoonful down she would retch all over the place. Luckily, Deeks seemed content.

"Happy?" she asked, more than a little frustrated.

"Yes I am. Thank you."

"Whatever."

* * *

She clenched her jaw, biting her lip in concentration. _Just a step. Come on._

She'd been discharged from the hospital only to be placed in a different ward: rehabilitation. Deeks' arm was around her waist, and she let him support her to a point, but she pushed herself as hard as she could. And eventually, she took her first step. Which turned into another, and another, and before she knew it she'd made it to the end of the hallway.

Deeks was grinning a mile wide. He kissed her temple and said with more than just a hint of pride, "That's my girl."

Kensi rolled her eyes. "It's just walking. No big deal."

He seemed to ignore her last remark because his smile never wavered.

Carefully she guided his hand away from her back, keeping a firm grip on it until she regained her balance.

"Easy, Princess," Deeks told her, placing a hand on each of her hips.

"I can do this."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

* * *

**A/n Thanks Maddie (NCISLAlover24- check out her stories!). Te amo amiga!  
AND A BIG HUG TO ALL OF YOU GUYS! Love ya'll!  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm just..." _Kiss,_ "so..." _Kiss, _"happy your back." His last words were rushed, and she giggled against his lips.

"Deeks," she laughed, exasperated, before his hand slipped under her wife beater and came into contact with the bare skin of her back. The next time she said his name it was little more than a moan.

Her arms were wrapped around his neck, back pinned against the front door of their house. He pulled away from her slightly, smirking. "We should probably go inside. Wouldn't want any neighbors to get a free show."

"R-right," she replied, her breath hard to catch for more reasons than the make out session they'd just engaged in. She stumbled into the house, collapsing onto the couch and trying not to wince. Sighing in content, she smiled. "It's good to be home."

He smiled fondly, plopping down next to her. "Yeah, it is."

* * *

She was on fire.

Well, her lungs anyways. And her back. And most of her joints.

But mostly her lungs.

She was pretty sure that she was scaring the hell out of the other joggers who probably thought she was going into respiratory arrest. The doctor's had told her not to jog for at least six weeks, preferably longer. She'd made it a week.

She couldn't stand being so weak. So small. She needed her muscles back. She needed exhilaration. In fact, her plan was to jog the seven miles it would take to get to the shooting range. But at the pace she was going she wouldn't make it by nightfall. That was if her lungs didn't give out on her first.

Her phone had vibrated in the back pocket of her exercise shorts a good five times over the span of the hour and a half she'd been out, but she hadn't answered. She _had_ left a note she was going out. And yeah, she figured she probably should've talked to Deeks beforehand, or at least waited until he got home to leave. But she knew that he would've forced her to stay home. And that couldn't happen.

He was so great, and he meant well, but he'd been driving her crazy. She herself was protective of the people she loved, Deeks and the team in particular. So she understood where he was coming from. Kind of.

But his ideal envision of her recovery was basically keeping her within arm's reach every waking hour and assigning bed rest until he suited her fit enough to face the troubles of the outside world. And only a week after returning home she was stir crazy, frustrated, and fatigued. Not necessarily physically either, though she did tire easier. But mentally it was like her mind was still in a fog. Like she hadn't extracted herself from her coma correctly.

With her lungs burning, her heart pumping twice its normal speed, her knees stiff, she has a clear head for the first time in nearly a month. It was hard, but it felt good in some weird, demented way. So she didn't stop. Not until she heard the roar of an engine cutting off beside her, a panicked voice calling out her name.

"What?" she gritted out, partially because of her annoyance, but mostly because she was in a fair amount of pain and it was the only way she could force the words out without yelping.

"What the hell are you doing? Kensi, get in the car. Now."

"No."

"Kensi," he warned, and even though his tone was hard when she glanced at the vehicle's driver's seat his eyebrows were creased together, his worry evident on his face. She felt guilty in a way, but her stubbornness and irritation were overpowering.

"Deeks," she countered.

"C'mon, Fern. Please."

She sighed, but it sounded more like somebody sawing wood. She pulled the door open, refusing to make eye contact with him. They drove in tense silence for a few minutes before he said, "What the hell, Kensi? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I wanted to go for a run, so I did."

"Kens, I know you want to get back to normal, but you're going to hurt yourself-"

"You're right. I want to get back to normal. I want to be able to kick ass. I want to be strong again. I want to be able to walk down the steps and not feel like I just ran a marathon." She was so infuriated, so livid. Not at him. At herself. At whoever poisoned her. "This isn't me, Deeks. This isn't... isn't us. We're supposed to be partners. I'm supposed to have your back. Right now we should be drinking spiked lemonade and watching our kids try to ride Monty. Not fighting in a car because I just want to be myself again."

He didn't seem to know what to say to that, and she didn't expect him to. So, fatigued, she laid her head against the window and fell asleep, and when she woke up she was in bed with him, his arms clutching her close to his chest. He was snoring softly against her ear, his chest steadily rising and falling against hers, their feet intertwined. The room was dark, the clock indicating it was three in the morning. And even though she'd been asleep for a good nine hours, she was still tired.

So she pressed a feather light kiss to his jaw, breathed the words, "I'm sorry," and returned to unconsciousness.

* * *

He knew she was a day away from losing it.

Ever since Hetty had dropped the bomb that she wouldn't be able to return to the field (probably ever), Kensi had constantly been on the edge of snapping. She pushed herself harder in the gym, went to the shooting range at least three times per day, and insisted that the guys take turns sparring with her which only made her more pissed than before because, much to her annoyance, they didn't want to hurt her.

Because of the fact that she was one step away from going off the deep end and everybody could see it, when she begged Hetty to let her go into the field just that once, Hetty sighed, called Granger, and eventually granted her clearance. And, oh, Kensi proved her worth. Not only did she gun down two cartel members in a firefight, but she also single-handedly took down three men using only a knife and her fists.

Deeks had almost had a heart attack when Hetty granted Kensi field clearance.

That'd initiated the first real fight Kensi and Deeks had ever had.

_"You're going to get yourself killed, Kensi."_

_"I'd rather die than just do paperwork all day everyday."_

"Would_ you? Would you really? What about me, huh? What about us?"_

_"What about us?"_

_"What if some guy lands a lucky punch to your gut? What then? What happens when you lose the one good kidney you do have?"_

_"I wouldn't let that happen. I can take care of myself, Deeks."_

_"Until you can't."_

_"Why don't you just come out and say it!" At that point she was screaming, her anger sending her to a boiling point. "I'm selfish for wanting to go back into the field! You don't want me to cover your ass. Say it."_

_"It's not that. And it's not selfish. Just stupid."_

_"Oh, so now I'm stupid?"_

_"I didn't say that."_

_"You kind of did."_

_"Kens, it's only because I care about you." He took a step towards her, bold and unfazed by her comments. "I love you. I can't lose you again."_

_She turned away from him and stormed into their bedroom, and the argument wasn't resolved until later that night when she told him that she loved him, too. And even though he knew that he hadn't won the argument, he wasn't about to bring it up again. _

After that night everything was relatively okay. Until some guy did land a lucky punch to her gut.

Deeks was on top of him in seconds, straddling him and punching him three times in the face before cuffing him to a pole and disarming him, rushing to Kensi's side. Her face was colorless, one hand gripping at her side.

"Kens, are you okay? Kensi..." He put an arm around her waist and helped her to the car, sitting her in the passenger's seat.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just... winded."

"Fine. You're fine, huh?"

She nodded, trying to force a smile that came out as more of a grimace. He frowned, placing a palm on the back of her neck. "I'm going to call 911."

"Deeks, please-"

"The last time you tried to talk me out of getting you help you almost died. Hell, you did for a few seconds. That's not happening again."

"Hetty's going to fire me again."

"Dammit, Kensi. If you wouldn't have been so stubborn to begin with you wouldn't even be in this situation. Why can't you ever just do what your supposed to?"

It was only after he'd finished his sentence that he noticed that she'd broken eye contact, shivering occasionally. And then all of a sudden she leaned out of the car and threw up, hands trembling as she pushed her hair away from her face.

"Oh, my God, Kens-"

"I'm... I'm okay."

Of course she wasn't, but as typical of Kensi Blye, she lied.

The first call he placed was to Eric requesting an ambulance, and then to the only person with the appropriate qualifications that he trusted to take care of Kensi.

"Aaron..."

* * *

"Ugh, no more hospitals. Ever."

"I second that," he agreed, throwing an arm around her shoulder. Aaron had called her lucky, saying that with continuous treatments the blow wouldn't cost any lasting damage to her already shitty kidney, which was a relief to say the least.

"So, no field work?"

"What do you think?"

"Right."

* * *

**A/n Thanks Maddie for the proof! One more chapter!  
You guys are amazing. Love ya'll guys!  
XOXO-  
Cierra**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/n This chapter has just** **a tad of Neric! Sorry if you don't ship it. Feel free to replace 'Eric' with 'G' or whoever you ship her with!  
Special thanks to Maddie (NCISLAlover24), Lou (densilou) and everybody else who has played a part in this story! And to you readers, I love you guys, and your support has been beyond amazing. Thank you guys! *hugs*  
XOXO-  
Cierra**

* * *

"So you're not... nervous at all?"

"Not really. I already feel like I've been married to him for a lifetime. What's a few vows, you know?"

"I don't know. As girly as it sounds I liked having the big ceremony with Eric. The dress and the cake. Eternal commitment. Always fun."

"Okay, so maybe I lied. I'm a little nervous. But more excited." She wasn't about to tell Nell that she got butterflies at the mere mention of the impending date, and her heart seemed to skip a beat even thinking about the look on Deeks face when he'd watch her walk down the aisle the next day.

"You don't even know how happy I was when you told me that you'd decided to have a big ceremony. Underneath all that badassery you're really just one big blob of hopeless romantic."

"_Me_ a hopeless romantic?" Kensi asked, incredulous. "Haha, more like Deeks looked like he was going to cry when I told him I wanted to elope. Hand me the tanning oil, will you?"

Nell did so, but not before slathering some onto her stomach. "You're so lucky you can tan. I just freckle."

"We're not staying here all day though, okay? This is the closest to a bachelorette party we're getting and I refuse to spend it on a beach getting sunburned."

"Where are we going?" Nell wanted to know, adjusting her floppy sunhat and applying some more sunscreen to her face.

The soon to be wife of Marty Deeks laughed humorlessly, looking down at the now relatively faded scar on her side. "Good question. I mean, it's not like I can drink. Clubs aren't half as fun without alcohol. You could drink if you wanted to, of course."

The tech analyst dropped her eyes and stayed silent, and it probably could've gone unnoticed with anyone else, except for the fact that Kensi worked for a federal agency and was trained to have the ability to pick up on tells. "What?" Kensi asked, narrowing her eyes.

"What? Nothing." Nell was possibly the worst liar in the world. Her voice raised an octave and everything.

"No, that was definitely something."

Nell sighed, fiddling with her fingers. "Okay, look. I didn't want to tell you until after the wedding but... I might be pregnant."

"Might?"

"Actually, yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. I made a doctor's appointment, but I've took like half a dozen tests. All positive."

"Does... does Eric know?"

"Yeah," Nell said, blushing slightly, a shy smile gracing her lips. "But other than him, you're the first person I've told. Not even my parents or Hetty or anyone."

"That's... wow. Nell, that's amazing." Kensi was honestly ecstatic for her friend, but she couldn't help feel a little pang of something in her heart, something that definitely wasn't any form of happiness. Actually, it was quite the opposite.

Sadness. Jealousy.

But she didn't let it show. She smiled. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God!"

"I know, right?! Just keep it on the down low until I give you the okay, okay? I want to go to the doctor first and let the rest of my family know."

"You are going to have a baby."

Nell's face was almost completely red at this point, and she smiled, looking down at her stomach. "Yeah."

"Wow." And then quieter, more to herself then to her friend, she repeated, "Wow," all the while hating the little part of her that wished she was in her friend's position.

* * *

Kensi seemed quiet, and when he finally approached her that night she was staring out of their bay window, arms crossed over her chest. She tensed under his hands before relaxing, allowing him to kiss her neck and place his hands on her shoulders.

It was late, nearly one in the morning. But she doubted she would sleep that night. Tomorrow was probably the biggest day of her life, and she knew that Deeks felt the same way she did. So when he asked, "Wedding jitters? Not getting cold feet, now are we?" she probably could've played off her out of character-ness as nerves, which would've been partially true. Instead she smiled, but he could tell it was off. "Kens..."

"It's just..." She sighed before blurting out, "Nell's pregnant."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but she would kill me if she knew I told you. I wasn't supposed to until she was ready."

"That's-"

"Amazing, right?" Kensi interrupted before biting her lip. "Then why do I feel so... so..."

Deeks exhaled slowly, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"It's stupid, I know," Kensi said, laughing a little, and he couldn't believe that she was reprimanding herself for being human even though it was Kensi Blye he was dealing with, and she refused to believe she was anything less than a superhuman. Which in a lot of ways she was nothing short of a super hero, but any form of a person had feelings. She just classified a majority of hers as weakness.

"Not stupid," he corrected, pressing another kiss to the corner of her neck. "Understandable."

"We're getting married. My best friend is having a baby. I should be happy. And I am, don't get me wrong. But... I really wanted a kid. I mean, I know I probably would've been a bad mom, and my kid would probably end up hating me anyways, but-"

"Kensi Marie Blye, you would've made a great mom. We would've had a good kid. But we only have each other, and that has to be enough. Unless you want to adopt..."

"No, I don't know. And you are more than enough for me. You always will be."

She didn't have to look to tell that he was grinning, probably that cute lopsided smile that made her heart turn somersaults. "Oh, how the tables have turned. You throwing out cheesy one liners. _You_. What a time to be alive."

Rolling her eyes she laughed slightly, pulling away from him. "I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow I'm not even going to be able to keep my head up."

"I love you, Sweetcheeks."

"Ditto, Shaggy."

* * *

Everything was perfect.

The venue, so quiet, so beautiful. The sky was a dark canvas with holes punched in it, the moon hanging in the sky, paper lanterns lighting Kensi's way down the aisle.

Her dress, elegant and form fitting. It was a ball gown, and yeah, it made her feel like a princess. She liked the way the taffeta looked, and the dazzling white of the fabric paired nicely with her tanned skin.

_Him_. The way he was looking at her when she walked down the aisle, his white teeth shining in the dim light. His vows, simple and funny and everything that she loved about her fiancé. The feeling of his hands in hers, the sound of his voice when he swore he would never leave her for better or for worse. 'Til death do them part.

The kiss sealed the deal, and that was it. She had his name. They were eternally bound to each other, in the name of God himself. And it was the best feeling in the world.

* * *

They'd both had a fair amount of comp time, and they'd decided to cash it in. He'd wanted to go all out, give her the vacation of a lifetime. He'd tossed away generic places like the Bahamas or Paris or any other relatively common destination and went with something different- Thailand.

Their room was private and luxurious, the scenery beyond gorgeous. Not that they saw most of it. Hell, they only really left the bedroom except for food and bathing purposes. Which was exactly what they were doing at the moment, sitting together in a bath, him at one end, her at the other.

She was laughing at something he said, her smile bright, expression one of overall contentment. He was smiling back, realizing a second too late that he was staring.

Adorably, she starting touching her face, self-conscious. "What, something on my face?" Considering they were in a tub and there was really no logical reasoning for her to have anything on her face, he thought it was a pretty cute thing to say.

He shook his head, still smiling. "No, no. I was just thinking."

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I'm glad you're not dead."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I'm glad I'm not dead, too. And now you owe me a penny."

He held his arms out (which was an easy thing to do considering the tub was huge), an invitation. "Come here."

After she was snuggled against his chest, head tucked against his shoulder, he kissed the top of her head. "Anybody ever tell you that you're incredible?"

She snorted. "How many times have you used that one? The more important question is, have _you_ ever told that to anybody?"

Chuckling, he thought about it for a second before sobering slightly. "Actually, no. Don't think I have."

"Now that I think about it, I've been called a lot of things, but I can't recall ever hearing incredible."

"First time for everything?"

"First time for everything," she agreed quietly, and listening to his heart beat she _did_ feel incredible. Incredibly happy. Incredibly in love. Incredibly lucky. She sighed, totally at ease and eager to start the rest of her married life as Mrs. Kensi Deeks.

**FIN**


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